The Notebook
After I took a nap, I saw the notebook on my study table ( as I have mentioned earlier, Joseph and I communicated each other using a notebook). I forgot that I had not written something on our notebook for a couple of days already; thus, he was worried.
" Luv dear,
What is happening to you? You didn't write anymore in the notebook. You don't go out in your room when I'm here. Did I do something that you didn't like?
Whatever your reason is, please tell me. I'm worried. Please let's talk.
Luv u,
Joseph"
Honestly, it was not only his room which made me confused and which made me think that he was not honest to me. It was also about his relationship with Agnes - his student.
While we were on our way to school, Mrs. Honor told me that Agnes kept on sending love letters to Joseph. Moreover, she kept on getting near to Joseph by following him in the library everyday and by shifting a major. From having History as her major, she transferred to English since Joseph was an English professor.
Mrs. Honor hates women who do the first move. For her, only those liberated & cheap women do it. Since Agnes was guilty of doing the first move, she disliked her.
To prove, Mrs. Honor showed me a test paper which had a letter from Agnes at the back part.
"Dear Sir Joseph,
I know it doesn't sound good for a woman to court a man; but, I can't stop myself from doing it. I love you very much. I admire your generosity. I'm thankful that you help spend for my studies. Thank you for supporting me financially.
with much love,
Agnes"
I felt bad against Joseph and I felt jealous to Agnes after I read the letter. I felt I was betrayed. I really got mad to Joseph for letting me live in the world of lie and dishonesty. I couldn't believe that he would hide those things from me. Nonetheless, I stopped myself from expressing anger and jealousy in front of Mrs. Honor in that Joseph and I hid our relationship from her and to everybody around us.
Haplessly, Joseph's student and his room had bothered me since then. I wanted to confront Joseph about these things, yet I felt that I didn't have the right to do it. I had extended my patience and had kept my mouth shut because I waited for him to explain to me everything.
Instead of writing back to Joseph, I went to Kenneth's house. Kenneth and I watched TV and talked many things.
After two hours of chatting, Joseph came to us.
to be continued..
Secrets Uncovered
An old closet and a dusty bed struck my eyes when I opened Joseph's room. The room looked haunted. There were dusts and cobwebs everywhere. On the other hand, I felt something strange. The windows were closed but I could feel the air blowing my body. I couldn't describe my feelings at that moment. My heart was palpitating and my knees were quivering. I wanted to go out from the room but my curiosity stopped me.
Minutes later, I was tempted to open the old closet. When I opened it, I saw three things inside- a photo album, a native bamboo bag and a pile of love letters. I was very eager then to know the contents of the things I saw.
The first thing that I picked up was the native bamboo bag because I was attracted to it. It was small and unique. Its shape was tubular. Its sling was made from cloth, but its body was made from a real bamboo.
Anyway, I tried to open the bag yet it was tightly wrapped with masking tape. I tried to shake it for me to at least guess what was inside, but I didn't hear anything. I knew that there was something inside the bag because it was heavy. Also, I suspected that the content of the bag was vital to Joseph since he wrapped it tightly. Unsuccessful, I put the bag back inside the closet.
The next thing that I picked up was the photo album. I was horrified when I turned the pages of the album because I saw pictures of a fetus inside the bottle and a dead baby boy. The dead baby boy was very handsome, and he looked like a little angel sleeping. As I was about to turn to the remaining pages of the album, I heard the car coming. So, I immediately returned the album to the closet. Then, I went out from the room hurriedly.
I was disturbed with what I saw. I wondered who was that dead baby boy? Who was the owner of the fetus? What was inside the bamboo bag? Why did Joseph keep those things inside his room? What was the relationship of Joseph to the fetus and the dead baby boy?
I felt my head would explode every time I thought of the things I had discovered. I wanted Joseph to answer the questions I had in my mind but I didn't have the courage to ask him. On the other hand, I felt bad against him. I felt that he was not honest to me. I had not expected that he would hide many things from me.
After a deep thinking, I took a nap. When I woke up, I saw the notebook on my study table.
to be continued...
..so I said, " YES".
The following month, Joseph asked me if he had the chance to own my heart. He told me that he badly needed my answer because it had been three months already since he started courting. On the other hand, I had seen also how devoted and supportive he was to me, so I said, " YES", to him. When I accepted him as a boyfriend, I forgot that he was quite older than me. Probably because of the constant written communication we had done each day that inspired me and made my heart melt.
During the first three months of our relationship, we hid it from his family, from my family, from our friends and from everybody; because, we believed that it would just create friction between us and the people around us. We intentionally hid our relationship to prevent the bad possibilities or problems to come our way.
The written communication was our primary means of communicating each other. In fact, we had a notebook for us to write everything we wanted to tell to each other. Putting the notebook into our rooms secretly was not that easy because we had to observe our steps and we had to see to it that nobody was watching.
As well as, we had to find a perfect time and a safe place during our dates. We were really trying our very best not to be caught by the people around us that we were dating or we were in a relationship.
On the other hand, I did not stop in getting information about the mystery of Joseph's room in the second floor. I was really very eager to know the reason why he didn't stay and get inside in his room upstairs anymore.
One Sunday morning while everyone was in the church, I got a chance to get inside Joseph's room. I really found the room mysterious. Upon entering the room, I saw a closet. When I opened it, something strange caught my eyes.
to be continued...
Acknowledgment & Accomplishments
Early in the morning, Mr. Eugene received the copy of the Bohol Inquirer publication of the day. As he scanned the pages of the newspaper, he saw the write-up that I had contributed. He then showed it to Joseph, Mrs. Honor and the rest of the family members.
Without my knowledge, they made a surprise for me. They prepared food as a celebration to the success of my write-up. I've been writing a lot of write-ups since then. On the other hand, I've also contributed write-ups to our school's gazette.
Aside from writing, I've also showed my ability in hosting. I was one one of the emcees in our school. I have emceed different programs at school, likewise in my boardinghouse and in my home place.
Moreover, I've showed my ability in leading and serving my co-students. As a matter of fact, I have served as a president, vice president, etc. a couple of times in the different organizations at school that I joined.
And above all, I have kept my good performance at school. Because of the accomplishments and functions I did at school, I was recognized by most of the students and faculty members. Most importantly, my family and the director's family especially Joseph were very proud of me.
Despite the accomplishments I've got, I was not that proud of myself I guess. And, I didn't recognize my ability that much. As a matter of fact, the people close to me were more concerned and aware of the things I have accomplished. For example, Joseph had a complete compilation of my write-ups at the Bohol Inquirer and the school's gazette, whereas I didn't even have one copy.
Lately, I've felt regrets of not giving importance, of not appreciating and of not recognizing my talents and accomplishments in life. If it's true that one will lose the talents that she/he has got if she/he doesn't appreciate and make use of them; then, no wonder why I've almost lost them all?
Anyway, Joseph had kept on inspiring me until one day....
to be continued...
The Other Side of Me
I used to eat breakfast with the director's family. I used to love the hot chocolate that was served every morning. I didn't know if it was a coincidence, but Joseph and I sat next to each other most of the time. And, he would always tease me by touching my feet using his foot.
On the other hand, he would always join me when I studied in the evening. Well, he was an English professor, so he made his lesson plan, checked his test papers etc. in the study table with me. While we were studying together, we used to conversed through writing. He would write everything he wanted to tell me on a paper and he would pass it to me secretly. And, he would always wait for my reply. Minutes later, we would laugh quietly for us not to disturb his mom who prayed every night for long hours.
Written conversation was often our means of communication. I started to like it. It thrilled me in that it was unusual for me; because, I've been very talkative since I was a child. A couple of weeks later, we became very close without the notice of everybody.
Speaking of written communication, I was able to show the other side of Lota. I was invited by my professor who was a staff of the city's newspaper, Bohol Inquirer, to contribute write-ups to their gazette. It was a great honor for me because only a few were chosen and invited to write for them; and, I was one of the chosen few.
Although I've been having a passion in writing since I was young, I still needed inspirations. So, Joseph was first on the list. It was not only because he courted me but it's also because he encouraged me to do the things I've wanted to do and he taught me things that I didn't know about English.
One week later, the fruit of my passion and hard work came.
to be continued....
First Day High
I was very much welcomed on my first day at the director's residence. All the members of the family were there, including Kenneth. They told me to feel at home.
Kenneth was very happy because she had someone to talk to at last. She's quite younger than me. At that time, I was 17 on the other hand, she was 13. Her cousins were much younger than her and were all boys, so she couldn't share with them girl stuffs & talks.
Possibly, Kenneth's first impression towards me was good, thus she requested me to live with them. Well, we really didn't live in the same house because she and her parents had their own house; but, we bonded often and became best friends later.
Anyway, I had my own room in the director's residence. My room was in the 2nd floor, between Joel/Evit's room and their children's room. Joseph had also a room in the second floor, around the corner from Joel/Evit's room; but, he didn't sleep there anymore. Instead, he slept in the first floor, next to the living room.
According to Kenneth, Joseph had not slept and stayed his room in the second floor for many years already. I was very eager to know the reason why but I didn't dare to ask Joseph about it vis-a-vis because I've observed that it was somewhat private. No one in the family talked about it.
Abandoning the room was a very big issue for me. It was in my mind that there was really a big reason of doing so. Due to curiosity, I didn't wait for Joseph to tell me the reason; instead, I tried to solve the mystery behind it secretly.
The room wasn't locked. So, I could get inside the room anytime. Whenever everyone wasn't around, I tried to get in and gather some info. I was really hoping to find the secret behind.
On the other hand, I've sensed that Joseph was very happy when I moved there. I've caught him winking and smiling at me whenever I glanced at him. Then again, I also felt happy inside. It seemed that my heart jumped and rejoiced every time I caught him winking or staring at me.
"Why do I feel this way? Am I in love?" I asked myself.
to be continued...
The Decision
I've decided to comb my hair after I stayed idle for a couple of minutes in the corner of my bed. Abruptly, I saw a post-it note on the mirror. Due to curiosity, I got the note and read it.
Here's the content of the note;
Lota,
You left your door open and I saw you sleeping. Instead of disturbing you, I chose to leave a note for you.
Anyway, I've heard that my parents offered you to stay with us for Kenneth. I will be the happiest man in the world if you accept the offer.
with love,
Joseph
P.S. I bought something for your dinner. Please eat after you read this.
The food was ready on the table, so I ate right away. I kept on thinking of the offer while I was eating. I've thought of the advantages and disadvantages. Eventually, I've made up my mind. I've decided to accept the offer.
Monday ( 26th of April, 1999)
Before I went to my classroom, I've gone to the the director's office first. I told the director and his wife that I accepted the offer. They were very happy and they expected me to start living with them the following day.
Tuesday ( 27th of April, 1999) - My first day at the director's residence.
to be continued...
A Hard Decision to Make
When the class ended, Mrs. Honor told me to remain inside the classroom. I was afraid because I suspected that she already knew about me and her son, Joseph.
After she arranged her things on the table, she told me to go with her in the director's office. As I've mentioned earlier, her husband was the director of the school. My heart pounded even faster. I couldn't measure the fear and the guilt feeling I had inside. It was in my mind that they would avoid me from going out with Joseph.
" Good morning, Sir!", I told the director as I smiled and bowed my head. " Have a sit, Lota.", he replied. I felt like I was in a hot seat at that time. I thought they would get mad at me because I went out with their son.
" Lota, Honor and I have observed that you're not only doing good in your classes but in getting along with other students as well. So, we've decided to offer you to live in our house. Our granddaughter, Kenneth, feels bored because her mom is very busy with work. We want you to live with us because Kenneth wants you to be her bestfriend. ( I've met Kenneth when I visited the director's house.). Don't worry, aside from a free board and lodging, we'll pay you for living with us. Is it okay with you?, the director asked.
[Huh!], I took a deep breath after I listened to what he said. [ Thanks, God for saving me today! I thought my world would end. ". I told myself silently. Ma'am Honor, Sir Eugene, I'm sorry I can't decide about it now because I still have to tell my parents about this. But, I'm willing to accept your offer because I need money. I don't want to bother my parents when it comes to financial needs at school. Yet, I'll have to inform them first as a sign of respect.". Is it alright with you, Ma'am..Sir?, I replied.
" It's all right with us. Of course, you have to inform your parents about this first. Anyway, just tell us the updates, okay? they said. " Yes, Ma'am. Thank you very much, Sir...Ma'am for the offer. I really appreciate it. I'll inform my parents about this tomorrow... I'll go ahead, Ma'am...Sir.", I replied.
Afterwards, I went home in that my last subject was in the afternoon. My boardinghouse was a throw stone away from the school, so I could go home after the class. When I was in my room, I thought deeply if I had to accept the offer or not. The offer was good. I could earn money from it. Although, my tuition fee was free, but I needed money for my allowance, board & lodging, miscellaneous fee, projects, etc..The offer was the solution to my money problem.
On the other hand, my mind was in chaos. I could hardly decide because of Joseph. For me, it wasn't a good idea to live with them. I was afraid of the many possible things that might happen, e.g, What if I fell in love with Joseph because we would live in the same house? What if his family would know about us? What if our closeness would go beyond the limits?, etc.
Since the following day was Saturday, I went home and informed my parents about it. At first, my father didn't allow me. He wanted me to focus on my studies. He said I couldn't concentrate much on my studies if I lived with other people's house. But, my elder sister insisted that it would be a help for us since we were financially poor. In the end, they agreed that I had to accept the offer.
The next day, I went back in my boardinghouse. Despite the blessing that I got from my family, I was still confused about the offer, whether to accept it or not. Likewise, if I had to be happy because I could earn money or if I had to be afraid for the bad possibilities that might happen along the way.
Thinking of the hard decision to make, I felt asleep. It was already evening when I woke up. The room was dark so I stood up to switch the light on. Subsequently, I sat in the corner of my bed.
Seconds later, something caught my eyes. Guess what?....
to be continued...
The Time Has Come...
" Lota, are you ready? Joseph is waiting outside. Hurry up!", my flatmate said as she knocked the door. " Yes, I'm almost done. Tell him to wait for awhile.", I replied. While fixing my hair, I tried controlling my breath because my heart pounded very fast. It was like I would burst.
5 minutes later, I went to the living room where Joseph was waiting. My heart beat even faster when I saw him smiling. I was speechless for a moment. I didn't know what to do and what to say; so, I just smiled at him. Then, he held my hand as he said, " Let's go.". It seemed like I was floating in the air.
I was very silent upon going to the restaurant. I kept on thinking why I was chosen by him considering that I was only 17 and I was still studying? Moments later, he broke the silence and he said, " Lot, do you believe in soul mates? I have never felt this way before. I've only known you for a few days but it seems like you're connected to me. It seems like I've known you for a long time. So, I'm thinking that you're probably my soul mate." Before I could answer him, we arrived at the restaurant.
We continued talking while we were eating. He told me that he was very sincere for his feelings towards me. On the other hand, I was not sure if I felt the same way. All I knew at that time was I admired him for being a cyclist and a successful man. I have never thought of falling in love with him because he was quite older than me.
You know, teens don't like mature guys. I was only 17, so I was looking for smart, handsome and young men at that time. While on the contrary, Joseph wasn't young anymore. Nonetheless, I was tickled every time I thought of the surprises and the time when we met coincidentally. Moreover, I felt proud and pretty thinking of catching a big fish.
After we ate, he brought me back to my flat. Since both of us like cycling, we had agreed to go cycling together the following weekend. Before he left, he held my hand and said, " Lot, I hope to hear the word " YES" from you soon. Good night!"
The following day, I went to school. My professor in my first class was his mother. As expected, I tried my very best to perform well in the discussion. My classmates were seniors and I was a transferee from a good school so I had to show what I've got.
After the class, our professor told me to remain inside the room because she had something to tell me.
to be continued...
An annoying surprise.
As I opened the door the next morning, a hard thing from above the door dropped on my head - a book. I said, " Ouch! It hurts.", as I touched my head. I was a bit annoyed and I tried to find the one responsible for putting that thing in the wrong place.
Instead of opening the book, I immediately went to the dining room and called the attention of everyone. " Excuse me guys, who among you here put this book above my door? Don't you know that it hit my head hard?". " Not me.", everyone replied.
" If none of us here put that book above your door, so who put it there?, one of my flatmates said. We all replied, " Oh, yes.". " Why not open the book for you to know? It may have the name of the owner.", she added. Thus, I opened the book.
Unexpectedly, leaves fell from the pages of the book as I opened it. We were all surprised when we picked them up because each of the leaves had a word written on it. Because the words were scrambled, we tried to put them in order.
After we arranged the leaves/ words, we were able to read the whole message. The message goes like this;
" Hi, Lota! This is Joseph. Can I invite you for a dinner tonight, please?"
I felt like crying because my flatmates teased me. They were all very excited for the dinner date. They wanted me to go with Joseph for a dinner. They prepared everything for me, e.g , the clothes that I had to hear, the shoes, etc.. On the other hand, I was nervous because I haven't experienced yet having a dinner/dating with someone quite older than me.
Prior to the dinner, I kept on staring at the clock. I didn't want the time to move because I was really really nervous. Yet, time is unstoppable...until the time of the dinner, has come..
to be continued...
